Happy Otter Lover (antijudas) wrote,
Happy Otter Lover
antijudas

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I need to go back to England. As soon as possible.

I'm aware that 'as soon as possible' means January. I just can't handle it for much longer. If I wasn't in school, I would've gone back already. I graduate in October. I then have three months to save money. There is a makeup tradeshow in London in January, which I'm using as my excuse to go over. I miss England more than I can even explain. Of course I miss all my friends over there, but it's more than that. I just miss the country. It may just be that when I was over there I didn't have to worry about anything more than making enough money to pay my rent and buy alcohol, but I just feel like I was so much happier then. I loved my independence. I loved travelling. I loved my friends and my pubs and my clubs and everything. Sure, there were stressful times, but it's nothing compared to the stress in my life now.

School is so draining. It may only be three days/week, but the other four days/week I'm at work. I don't get any school holidays. Classes run all through the summer, and now that the weather is clearing up it's making me realize how hard it's going to be to not be able to enjoy the sun. Work is draining because I can't take time off. Not only am I not allowed to book days off because there is no one to cover my shifts, I can't really afford to work any less than I am right now. I could feasibly miss a shift and still have enough money to survive, but it's not even an option because there is no one to work for me. Seeing all my friends have their weekends off to relax and party makes me so jealous because I know it's going to be another four months before I can even conceive of having a weekend off.

What I really need is to find a way to relax in the meantime. It's pointless for me to get increasingly more upset about my situation, and frustrated because I can't change anything right now. I just haven't found a way to relax and be happy other than to drink a lot. And I'm smart enough to know that's not a solution. Maybe that's the real reason I was so happy in England...
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